1. Lady: Finally Doctor has done the operation successfully and my Ear replaced with New One..
Me: Great...... Happy New EAR!! :)
2. Why there no Knock Knock Jokes about America?
Because freedom Rings..
3. Dad to Son: What are you doing son?
Son: Dad, I am reading..
Dad: Good, what are you reading?
Son: Your daughter in law's messages...
4.
Company CEO to his office assistance: There is some urgent pending work in office so you have to come on Sunday.
Office assistance: Well boss, that is not a problem but the public transport is so bad on holiday so I will be very late..
CEO: Not an issue, by when you will reach there?
Office assistance: By Monday!
5. In South Africa, a place called Limpopo is so hot..
even chicken lay boil eggs...
6. Did you hear a joke about London?
It's a riot!
7. Boy: What is your age?
Girl: Stupid, girls don't reveal their age..
Boy: I see.. Sorry! What is your e-mail address?
Girl: ketty_1992@gmail.com
8. Man to young guy: Have you ever seen Taj Mahal or Easter Island's Moais,?
boy: No..
Man: Haha, go sometimes to see the world outside!!
Next day: Again, that man asks to same guy - Have you ever seen Pyramids of Giza?
Boy: No..
Man: Lol, go sometimes and see the world outside!
The another day - That man asks to boy - Have you ever seen.. the boy immediately interrupted him asking...
Do you know James?
Man: No
Boy: Lol, go sometimes, see what is happening in your home.. INSIDE..
9. What is the similarity between Bar and B R A ?
They both are capable to drive boys crazy when they OPEN!
10. Do Chinese realize when they buy Souvenir in America..
They are buying the products Made in China..LOL
11. Ugly boy: I don;t care what girls think of me..
because thousand of Mosquitoes find me attractive..
12. When you wife says: 'Correct me if I am wrong'
Just smile and agree, because it's a trap.. Don't caught!
13. She: I have changed my mind.
Me: Does the new one work?
Tom, a new joiner in office..
First meeting with boss..
Boss: So are you expert in?
Tom: I can crack
Boss: What you ca crack?
Tom: I can crack hilarious Jokes!
14. What do you call Australian angry kangaroo?
Hopping Mad
15. Husband comes early from the office and found his wife with another man..
Wife: How you come early from the office?
Husband: Who is this man?
Wife: Don't try to change the topic!!!:)))
16. When she asked her Canadian friend: Did you have Good Summer?
Her Friend Replied: 'Yes Indeed! We had a great picnic that afternoon..'
17. What is the good day to go to beach-side?
SUN Day!
18. Women: Not all men annoy us..
Some are G A Y..
19. Never laugh on your wife's choices.. because you are one of them!
20. For girls, boys are like Bank Account..Without lot of Money, they do not generate lot of interest!
21. He: You are most beautiful girl I've ever seen on this planet!
She: You just want me to get into your bed!
He: OH great! You are smart too!
22. What do you get from Pampered cow?
Spoiled Milk!
23. Why did little champ placed sugar under his pillow:
Because he wanted sweet dreams!
24. Son: Dad, are you alright?
Dad: No, I am half left.
25. A boy misunderstood the meaning of LOL.. He thought it means lots of love instead of lots of laughter..
So he send greeting for his girl saying: You are only girl which make me feel like I am in heaven, you are really so sweet. LOL!
26. Your's birthday?
2nd April,
which year?
Every year,,,
27. What will call a men who lost hi left hand and left leg in critical fight?
All Right Man!
28. The embarrassment you experience when your colleague shares a joke in a group, you instantly laugh at it without understanding the punchline and someone asks you to explain it.
29. My Friend is a big play boy..
He had many girlfriends. Whenever he gets a new girl, he measures how far she can ope the legs..and he keeps the records in spreadsheet!
30. What if Doctor gets fired?
He doesn't care anymore!
31. Someone told me that if you wake up and hug a person, sleeping besides you and feel glad, want to hold hands.. This is real Love.
So I tried but I am being punished and banned to fly into that AIRLINE!
32. Once there was a boy and girl. They were very very innocent. They never did any wrong thing, never seen any movie or T.V. or songs.
They got married. When they came home, but sat with father and slowly asked dad "Please tell me what to do tonight." Father told him: Use your strong body muscle to hit the place from where she throws her waste water!
The other day: Father asked from his daughter in law, How was the time yesterday? Girl told: Very strange, your son went to bathroom, used his elbow to hit the bathroom seat!
33. When I tell my friend: You should not drive too fast.. He doesn't care!
When I want him: You should focus on your study to score good percentage.. He doesn't listen to me.
When I advice not to party til late night.. He becomes deaf.
But when I say that your phone' batter is LOW, he takes it too seriously.. :))
34. Was I guilty and cruel when I roam entire super market store, tested lot of products and after spending one hour, I go out empty handed!
35. Biggest lie married Women speak: I need to take permission from my husband!
Biggest lie married Men speak: No need to take any permission from my wife!blo
36. I asked to an experienced person: What is the secret of success.
He replied: A big stone..
I surprised!
He added: A big stone to break that mobile phone!
37. Wife: I can fight the whole world for you!
Husband: All the the time, you keep on fighting with me!
Wife: My lovely hubby, you are my whole world! :)
38. In between of attack Pandemic, Santa and Banta Surprised to listen about Hanta virus.
He asked : When our dad went to China??
39. A man goes to a bar and asks for a beer.
Waiter replies: Sure Sir, Its cost is one cent." "One Cent?"
the man exclaims. He glances at the menu and asks: How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?
A nickel, the barman replies.
"A nickel?" exclaims the man.
Where's the man who owns this place?
The bartender replies: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asks: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replies: The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.
40. Lady: All men are same and they need only one thing from women..
Man: All ladies are same and they need only one thing from Men..
Fit the right word: MONEY or Sleep.
41. Old proverb: Where is a will, there is a way..
New Proverb: Where there is a will, there is fight for property!
99. Men at 22: Plays Football
At 35: Pays Tennis
At 55: Play Golf
Have you noticed one thing?
What: As you get older, balls gets smaller!
2 comments:
Hahaha.. having lots of laughter. Agter long time, read some funny jokes really. Thank yoh
Very funny...
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