What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box?
"Omg, Donut seeds!"
Not long enough
A couple are trying to set up a new password for their a/c.
The husband puts, "My that" and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
The husband puts, "My that" and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
Hen-pecked
A husband is a man who when someone tells him he is hen-pecked, answers, yes, but I am pecked by a good hen.
Ten Things Girl Shouldn't Say on a Date
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?
― Gena Showalter
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?
― Gena Showalter
Golfer's advantage
What advantage does a golfer have over a fisherman?
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.
Dad's Age
Them: How old is your dad?
Me: As old as me.
Them : How can that be?
Me: He became a father only when I was born.
Me: As old as me.
Them : How can that be?
Me: He became a father only when I was born.
Getting on my nerves
Sheila: That boy is getting on my nerves.
Rosie: What nonsense -- he is not even looking at you!
Sheila: That is what is getting on my nerves.
Rosie: What nonsense -- he is not even looking at you!
Sheila: That is what is getting on my nerves.
A tick and a lawyer
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
A tick falls off of you when you die.
Finest Lie
Two kids were arguing when the teacher entered.
Teacher: Why are you arguing?
Kid: We found a 20 dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the finest lie.
Teacher: Sham on you. When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.
The kid gave bill to the teacher.
Teacher: Why are you arguing?
Kid: We found a 20 dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the finest lie.
Teacher: Sham on you. When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.
The kid gave bill to the teacher.
Far worse way
You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
Last Night Fight Funny Jokes
The fight we had last night was my fault.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
Wife: Do you know what a man gets after he dies?
Man: Yes, A beautiful Angel
Wife: What about woman?
Man: She gets Monkey...
Wife: This is not fair.. You get Angel before and after death and we ladies get Monkey before and after death..
:)))
Man: Today I went to a store to buy latest version of iPhone..
Lady: Then.. did you buy??
Man: No, because than you shouted... Come on get up, getting late.. fast.. and my dream broken!!!
Stand back or I will beat you with my bear hands..
Husband: Which quality you noticed in me that you got agree for our marriage?
Wife: Nothing, just seen from my balcony that you ware washing clothes and dishes..
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
Wife: Do you know what a man gets after he dies?
Man: Yes, A beautiful Angel
Wife: What about woman?
Man: She gets Monkey...
Wife: This is not fair.. You get Angel before and after death and we ladies get Monkey before and after death..
:)))
Man: Today I went to a store to buy latest version of iPhone..
Lady: Then.. did you buy??
Man: No, because than you shouted... Come on get up, getting late.. fast.. and my dream broken!!!
Stand back or I will beat you with my bear hands..
Husband: Which quality you noticed in me that you got agree for our marriage?
Wife: Nothing, just seen from my balcony that you ware washing clothes and dishes..
Nice Decent Clean Funny Jokes
'If you want to read Nice and Decent Clean and Funny Jokes then it is the best place for your fun desires and laughter needs. Undoubtedly, you can share these modest jokes with your family, friends, relatives, elders and younger siblings.'
Very Neat - Very Funny - Responsive - Cute - Evergreen - General
General:
It takes patience to list.. But it takes skill to pretend you are listening.
The moment when you try to tell your parents a Joke and they turn it into a life lecturer!!!
Me: Do you like to travel?
Him: Yes, alot..
Me: How many places visited?
Him: Home to college - College to home.. LOL
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUP..
Difference between talent and God gift:
A man can give lecture for 2 hours on many subjects. This is talent
A woman can give lecture for 2 hour without any subject - this is a God gift!
What two things can never be eaten for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner
What is so special about Pretty Bunny’s jewellery?
It is made from 14 carrot (carrat) gold
Where can you always find a tiger’s head?
Four feet from its tail.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
How do you make one disappear?
Add a ‘g’ or an ‘n’ to ‘one’!
Very Funny:
if a girl says - I don't like shopping...than marry her!
After making girlfriends, guys actually know how costly the life style is.
Wife: What is the spelling of Happiness
Husband: U.N.M.A.R.R.I.E.D.
Some kids are so cute that after seeing them - we desire to meet their moms..
Beggar Gets 10 cents from madam on red light.
Her shouts: this is not fair..
Madam: Why?
Beggar: One last red light, you donated USD 10..
Mada,m: How did you know?
Beggar: While showing his apple phone, see he shouted in group on whatsapp!
Kid: My teacher is cute and beautiful.
Dad: Son, teacher is like mother.
Kid: Selfish, you always think o your self.
Responsive:
How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A wave.
Something a bridegroom might wear: 'A dress..'
Dr: When did you first notice you had diarrhea?
Patient: When I took off my bicycle clips.
Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: 'Feeds your pets..'
My girlfriend told me choose any one - "friends or me". Sometimes I miss her.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
*Stalks crush on Facebook*... *Accidentally likes status from 2009*... *Deletes Facebook*... *Sets computer on fire*... *Leaves country*
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
Cute:
Girl's logic: When you like a guy, do nothing about it and expect him to magically know and make the first move.
You breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."
What's the difference between driving in golf and driving a car?
When you drive a car you don't want to hit anything.
Wife : Do you want meal?
Husband: What are my choices?
Wife: Denial or acceptance.
Evergreen:
The pig who fell in the DIRTY MUD took a CLEAN bath
The robber who was robbing was caught by a GOOD policeman
Very Neat
Teacher: which book helped you a-lot in your life..
Student: My father's check book!
Child : With report card in hand..
Mother: So whats your final grade?
Child : Underwater
Mother : what does that mean?
Child: Below C LEVEL (Sea.. you know..)
When are the steps rude????
When they stair at you!
Age is an issue of mind oer matter.. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.. - Mark
Kld : (returning from his match in his floor) "Mom", can I have an apple?
Mom: Baby, you just ate one.
Kid: An apple a day keeps the doctor away and I just broke his window.
When they argue with women - I feel they are wasting time. You know when you read terms & conditions - finally at the end, you need to say 'I agree'. haha
Weather forecast for tonight - DARK
Practice - makes us perfect.. But at the end nobody is perfect so what is the point of practicing?
Now jump to Funny Quotes
Very Neat - Very Funny - Responsive - Cute - Evergreen - General
General:
It takes patience to list.. But it takes skill to pretend you are listening.
The moment when you try to tell your parents a Joke and they turn it into a life lecturer!!!
Me: Do you like to travel?
Him: Yes, alot..
Me: How many places visited?
Him: Home to college - College to home.. LOL
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUP..
Difference between talent and God gift:
A man can give lecture for 2 hours on many subjects. This is talent
A woman can give lecture for 2 hour without any subject - this is a God gift!
What two things can never be eaten for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner
What is so special about Pretty Bunny’s jewellery?
It is made from 14 carrot (carrat) gold
Where can you always find a tiger’s head?
Four feet from its tail.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
How do you make one disappear?
Add a ‘g’ or an ‘n’ to ‘one’!
Very Funny:
if a girl says - I don't like shopping...than marry her!
After making girlfriends, guys actually know how costly the life style is.
Wife: What is the spelling of Happiness
Husband: U.N.M.A.R.R.I.E.D.
Some kids are so cute that after seeing them - we desire to meet their moms..
Beggar Gets 10 cents from madam on red light.
Her shouts: this is not fair..
Madam: Why?
Beggar: One last red light, you donated USD 10..
Mada,m: How did you know?
Beggar: While showing his apple phone, see he shouted in group on whatsapp!
Kid: My teacher is cute and beautiful.
Dad: Son, teacher is like mother.
Kid: Selfish, you always think o your self.
Responsive:
How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A wave.
Something a bridegroom might wear: 'A dress..'
Dr: When did you first notice you had diarrhea?
Patient: When I took off my bicycle clips.
Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: 'Feeds your pets..'
My girlfriend told me choose any one - "friends or me". Sometimes I miss her.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
*Stalks crush on Facebook*... *Accidentally likes status from 2009*... *Deletes Facebook*... *Sets computer on fire*... *Leaves country*
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
Cute:
Girl's logic: When you like a guy, do nothing about it and expect him to magically know and make the first move.
You breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."
What's the difference between driving in golf and driving a car?
When you drive a car you don't want to hit anything.
Wife : Do you want meal?
Husband: What are my choices?
Wife: Denial or acceptance.
Evergreen:
The pig who fell in the DIRTY MUD took a CLEAN bath
The robber who was robbing was caught by a GOOD policeman
Very Neat
Teacher: which book helped you a-lot in your life..
Student: My father's check book!
Child : With report card in hand..
Mother: So whats your final grade?
Child : Underwater
Mother : what does that mean?
Child: Below C LEVEL (Sea.. you know..)
When are the steps rude????
When they stair at you!
Age is an issue of mind oer matter.. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.. - Mark
Kld : (returning from his match in his floor) "Mom", can I have an apple?
Mom: Baby, you just ate one.
Kid: An apple a day keeps the doctor away and I just broke his window.
When they argue with women - I feel they are wasting time. You know when you read terms & conditions - finally at the end, you need to say 'I agree'. haha
Weather forecast for tonight - DARK
Practice - makes us perfect.. But at the end nobody is perfect so what is the point of practicing?
Now jump to Funny Quotes
Top 100 Knock Knock Jokes for Kids
'Do you know the best-known format of the pun in the style of "call and answer" exercise? A kind of role-play type of game, with a punster and a recipient of wit. Yes, Knock knock jokes for kids! So enjoy here Top 100 best out of them.'
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Spell..
Spell Who?
Ok, W. H. O...
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to let me in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anee.
Anee,who?
Anee one you like!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Iva.
Iva who?
I’ve a sore hand from knocking!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
Cows go moo not who.
knock knock
who's there
Andy!
Andy who
Andy bit me again owwwwwwwwwwww.
submitted by: Ruby
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Henrietta.
Henrietta who?
Henrietta worm that was
in his apple.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin the piggy bank again.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dwen
Dwen who?
Dwen the bathroom
I'm dweening!
Joke submitted by:Elizabeth
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cow’s go
Cow’s go who?
Cow’s don’t go who, they go moo!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Etch.
Etch who?
Bless you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Roach.
Roach who?
Roach you a letter, did
you get it?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aida.
Aida who?
Aida sandwich for lunch today.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my home
Knock Knock
Who is there?
Tank..
Tank who?
You are welcome!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold enough out here to go ice skating.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben knocking For 10 minutes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
I eat map.
I eat map who?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
This knock knock Joke submitted by Katniss Everdeen
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is between us. Open up!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otto.
Otto who?
Otto know. I’ve got amnesia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tut-key fried chicken!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in it’s cold out here.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Hoo?
Don't cry, it's just me!
This joke has been submitted by Ray York
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Who
Who Who?
l Didn't know you were an owl!
HARDEE HAR HAR
By: Leroy Jenkins
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hoo.
Hoo who?
Are you a owl?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A herd.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah good place we can get something to eat?
Knock-knock
Who's there?
A pile-up.
A pile-up who?
Knock, knock
Who's there
Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
(mime overdone horror) Oops! I did it again!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, it’s cold out here!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, It’s overflowing!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Claire.
Claire who?
Claire the way, I’m coming through!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arfur.
Arfur who?
Arfur got!
Knock-knock-
Who's there?
Poop
Poop-who?
HAHA YOu SAID POO-POO
submitted by Ryan
Knock Knock
Who is there?
Broken Pencil..
Broken pencil who?
Never mind.. It's pointless!
Knock Knock
Who's There
Cargo
Cargo who?
Car go beep beep!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Honey bee.
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting doctor.
Interrup-You have cancer.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iona.
Iona who?
Iona new car!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I am.
I am who?
You mean you don’t know who you are?
Knock Knock
Who is there?
Pasta..
Pasta who?
Pasta La Vista Baby!
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
BenBen who?
Ben knocking on the door all afternoon!
Who's there?
Radio!
Radio who?
Radi-o not, here i come..
Who's there?
Thistle.
Thistle who?
Thistle have to hold you until dinner's ready..
Who's there?
Owls!
Owls who?
That's right owls hoo..
Who's there?
Ears!
Ears who?
Ears some more knock knock jokes for you..
Knock knock
Who's there?
Me!
Me who?
Wow they were not kidding when they said you got hit in the head!
submitted by Annalisse
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
To!
To who?
To whom.
Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Howard
Howard who?
Howard I know?
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Xavier!
Xavier who?
Xavier breath and open the door!
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
I did up.
I did up who?
AHAHAHA. YOU DID A POO!
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Mikey!
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn't fit in the keyhole!
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow!
Interrupt--
Moo!!!
knock knock
who's there?
your butt
your butt who?
yeah your butt poops
submitted by:- Angelina garcia
why did sally drop her ice cream... she got hit by a bus.... knock knock.... who's there???? not Sally.
submitted by Adrianna and Lexi
Knock knock!
Who's there?
I.
I who?
Oh my gosh! The amnesia is worse that I thought!
knock knock
who's there
you
you who?
eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr you are doing a flat poo!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Shelby
Shelby Who?
Shelby coming round the mountain when she comes...
submitted by Catherine Bowdidge
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lad who?
WOW! I didn't know you can yodel! Sub. by: Melessa South
Knock knock
Who's there
John
John who
I thought you were John hahahan
knock knock
who's there?
your Ethiopian
your Ethiopia who?
Ethin you let me in, or I opian the door!!
submitted by:- Angelina garcia
why did sally drop her ice cream... she got hit by a bus.... knock knock.... who's there???? not Sally.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Spell..
Spell Who?
Ok, W. H. O...
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to let me in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anee.
Anee,who?
Anee one you like!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Iva.
Iva who?
I’ve a sore hand from knocking!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
Cows go moo not who.
knock knock
who's there
Andy!
Andy who
Andy bit me again owwwwwwwwwwww.
submitted by: Ruby
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Henrietta.
Henrietta who?
Henrietta worm that was
in his apple.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin the piggy bank again.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dwen
Dwen who?
Dwen the bathroom
I'm dweening!
Joke submitted by:Elizabeth
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cow’s go
Cow’s go who?
Cow’s don’t go who, they go moo!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Etch.
Etch who?
Bless you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Roach.
Roach who?
Roach you a letter, did
you get it?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aida.
Aida who?
Aida sandwich for lunch today.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my home
Knock Knock
Who is there?
Tank..
Tank who?
You are welcome!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold enough out here to go ice skating.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben knocking For 10 minutes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
I eat map.
I eat map who?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
This knock knock Joke submitted by Katniss Everdeen
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is between us. Open up!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otto.
Otto who?
Otto know. I’ve got amnesia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tut-key fried chicken!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in it’s cold out here.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Hoo?
Don't cry, it's just me!
This joke has been submitted by Ray York
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Who
Who Who?
l Didn't know you were an owl!
HARDEE HAR HAR
By: Leroy Jenkins
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hoo.
Hoo who?
Are you a owl?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A herd.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah good place we can get something to eat?
Knock-knock
Who's there?
A pile-up.
A pile-up who?
Knock, knock
Who's there
Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
(mime overdone horror) Oops! I did it again!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, it’s cold out here!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, It’s overflowing!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Claire.
Claire who?
Claire the way, I’m coming through!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arfur.
Arfur who?
Arfur got!
Knock-knock-
Who's there?
Poop
Poop-who?
HAHA YOu SAID POO-POO
submitted by Ryan
Knock Knock
Who is there?
Broken Pencil..
Broken pencil who?
Never mind.. It's pointless!
Knock Knock
Who's There
Cargo
Cargo who?
Car go beep beep!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Honey bee.
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting doctor.
Interrup-You have cancer.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iona.
Iona who?
Iona new car!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I am.
I am who?
You mean you don’t know who you are?
Knock Knock
Who is there?
Pasta..
Pasta who?
Pasta La Vista Baby!
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
BenBen who?
Ben knocking on the door all afternoon!
Who's there?
Radio!
Radio who?
Radi-o not, here i come..
Who's there?
Thistle.
Thistle who?
Thistle have to hold you until dinner's ready..
Who's there?
Owls!
Owls who?
That's right owls hoo..
Who's there?
Ears!
Ears who?
Ears some more knock knock jokes for you..
Knock knock
Who's there?
Me!
Me who?
Wow they were not kidding when they said you got hit in the head!
submitted by Annalisse
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
To!
To who?
To whom.
Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Howard
Howard who?
Howard I know?
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Xavier!
Xavier who?
Xavier breath and open the door!
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
I did up.
I did up who?
AHAHAHA. YOU DID A POO!
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Mikey!
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn't fit in the keyhole!
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow!
Interrupt--
Moo!!!
knock knock
who's there?
your butt
your butt who?
yeah your butt poops
submitted by:- Angelina garcia
why did sally drop her ice cream... she got hit by a bus.... knock knock.... who's there???? not Sally.
submitted by Adrianna and Lexi
Knock knock!
Who's there?
I.
I who?
Oh my gosh! The amnesia is worse that I thought!
knock knock
who's there
you
you who?
eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr you are doing a flat poo!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Shelby
Shelby Who?
Shelby coming round the mountain when she comes...
submitted by Catherine Bowdidge
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lad who?
WOW! I didn't know you can yodel! Sub. by: Melessa South
Knock knock
Who's there
John
John who
I thought you were John hahahan
knock knock
who's there?
your Ethiopian
your Ethiopia who?
Ethin you let me in, or I opian the door!!
submitted by:- Angelina garcia
why did sally drop her ice cream... she got hit by a bus.... knock knock.... who's there???? not Sally.
Male or Female
Hey why are you laughing so hard
Me: Just look at that man with the curly hair and white jeans. Is it a male or female?
It’s a girl and my daughter.
Me: ops, so sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
Excuse me, I’m not her father but her mother!
Me: Just look at that man with the curly hair and white jeans. Is it a male or female?
It’s a girl and my daughter.
Me: ops, so sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
Excuse me, I’m not her father but her mother!
Terms and conditions
At a nerd wedding they don't say, "I do."
They say, "I accept the terms and conditions."
They say, "I accept the terms and conditions."
School day
Basic school day..
Me: I hate all of you.
Me: Stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday.
Me: Maybe if I hit my head on my desk I'll die.
Me: I hate all of you.
Me: Stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday.
Me: Maybe if I hit my head on my desk I'll die.
SAVE TREES
Humans are the only creature in this world, who cut the trees, made paper from it and then wrote, "SAVE TREES" on it.
Sole purpose
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P.J. O'Rourke
- P.J. O'Rourke
Light bulb
How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't know, no hipster has ever tried. Its way too mainstream!
Don't know, no hipster has ever tried. Its way too mainstream!
Woman with two black eyes
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Letter of apology
My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company..
Hard to find men
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Husband and a new dog
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Next to you
That awkward moment when your mom sits down next to you while you're on the your laptop.
List of Funny Jokes
Here is the smart collection of your favorite funny jokes, so just choose, read and enjoy.'
Person with money
When a person with money meets a person with experience, the person with the experience winds up with the money and the person with the money winds up with the experience.
Incomes are like our shoes
Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip.
Made my money
I made my money the old fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.
Ancient China
Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That's true, son.. Everywhere, EVERYWHERE!!!
Father: That's true, son.. Everywhere, EVERYWHERE!!!
Fart and Say
Americans fart and says- excuse me
Britishers fart and says - pardon me
Japanese fart and says - forgive me
Indians fart and says - not me
Britishers fart and says - pardon me
Japanese fart and says - forgive me
Indians fart and says - not me
Know your husband
Why do they call it a T.V. SET when you only get one?
They know your husband is on his way to buy another!
They know your husband is on his way to buy another!
Any Sense
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers
Character of people
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
- Sam Ewing
- Sam Ewing
Half-empty
Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
Only shorter and Korean
My last girlfriend looked like Claudia Schiffer: only shorter and Korean.
- Max Kauffman
- Max Kauffman
High-Five
Oops, my that was not intentional. I did not hit you, I just tried to high-five your face.
Forced to live
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Safe Place
I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.
- Phil Harris
- Phil Harris
Announcement
Announcement: Due to budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
You look like
Coming back home, looking in the mirror, and realizing that you look like that all the day. Oh God!
More mistakes
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history: with the possible exception of handguns and Tequila.
Three places
Doctor, Doctor, my arm is broken in three places.
Well stay out of those places.
- Tommy Cooper
Well stay out of those places.
- Tommy Cooper
Same Boss.
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Feel Glad
What do you do when you find an endangered animal that eats endangered plants?
You feel glad you're not it!
You feel glad you're not it!
Marriage and Happiness
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
Which One
Marriage is man and a woman becomes one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Getting Married
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
More Eggs
On the other hand... you have different fingers.
or
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
or
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Help me
I can't find my kitten, can you help me find him? I think she went into this cheap motel room.
Handicapped Parking
How do you keep other vehicles away from handicapped parking bays?
You put up a sign that says: "STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park somewhere ELSE!
You put up a sign that says: "STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park somewhere ELSE!