I'm Gullible

Hey, why are you so cross with your mother today?
Because she told me I'm gullible... and I believed her!

Get ready

Her: Do you know it takes you more than a hour to get ready.
Him: But you aren't as cute as you think you are.

Great slogan

"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company.

Doctor

What did 1 doctor say to another?
We are both Doctor!

Like you

Now, I am going to punch you in the mouth.. With my mouth. Softly.. because I like you..

Childhood is over

Dad: Hey son, your childhood is over!
Son: How?
Dad: Because now you fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the couch.

Made in heaven

Marriages are made in heaven.
But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Another chance

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.
- Peter De Vries

Practice

Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do 'practice'?
It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.

Buy Barbie

Why do you have to buy Barbie a friend called Ken if she is so popular?
Same happened to Paris Hilton, she didn't get her dog for free!

If Love

Why are there so many players if love is not a game?
Ask Tiger Woods not me!

Jumping from a table

I asked from a dwarf: What are you doing?
Him: Suicide:
Me: But you are jumping from a table!

I am not short

Why are you staring at me?
You are so short?
Correction, I am not short, my height is just cute :-)

Suggestion for Marriage

Me asked to my best friend: What will you suggest your kids for marriage?
Him: I will never marry anyone in my entire life and the same advice I'll give to my kids.

Age problems

What are the biggest "age" problems between men and women?
Few women admit theirs and few men act theirs!

Moral Indignation

What is Moral Indignation?
Jealousy with a Halo!

Shave

Why is it good to be a male?
You don't have to shave below your neck!

Divorce

What is the best definition of divorce?
A sign that 2 people can't agree what to fight about!

Victoria's SECRET

Q: Why do they call the brand Victoria's SECRET if the whole world knows everything about her down to her underwear?
A: I think the secret is she's a man!

Long word

Q: Why is 'abbreviated" such a long word?
A: Because AB is used to describe 5 other things and ABBREV sounds like an accelerated muscle?