Whether you're sitting idle or busy in any project, you can always spare some minutes to relax your mind and soul. No, no you need not to put any special effort for doing it, because we're giving you some of the coolest, craziest and simplest jokes for this purpose. They are one or two line long so no crack them when you get a chance.
What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Have you heard about the constipated mathematician?
He had to work it out with a pencil.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "P" is silent.
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Wherever you left it.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Which is the most stupid animal living in the jungle?"
"The polar bear."
Q:What's grey?
A: A melted penguin
Why don't seagulls fly over bays?
Because then they would be bagels!
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In little nazis.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A-buck-an-ear
I once farted in an elevator, which was wrong on so many levels.
What's green and when you get it stuck between your teeth, you die?
A tractor.
Get a Hole
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
Guide to understanding a net addiction on various days:-
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.
The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month. Others just go over them.
In case they get a hole in one!
Guide to understanding a net addiction on various days:-
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.
The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month. Others just go over them.
Silliest Complaints Ever - You Must Go Through
After receiving strange but eye opening complaint from a user, Microsoft decided not to invest further in computers..
Complaint Date: 1st April - Person Name: I Doubt!
Dear Owner,
I bought a computer for my family but we came across some of the biggest unexpected problems! Kindly have a look.
#1. Near alt, I saw the start button but there is no Stop button.
#2. I also purchased keyboard, mouse, data card, CPU, data cable but there is only one icon which shows 'My computer'. So when you will provide the remaining items?
#3.You also show 'My Network Places'. For heaven's sake, please stop providing 'My secret places' I just do not want to let my spouse know where I go after my office hours.
#4. My kids learned 'Computer Word' now they want to learn 'Computer Sentence' so let us know when you introduce that.
#5. There is a query whether any re-scooter is available in your system? I see 're-cycle' only but U own a scooter.
#6. It is shocking that windows says 'My pictures' but there is not even a single pic of mine. So when will you keep my photos ion that?
#7. There is 'Microsoft Office' what about 'Microsoft Home' because I use system at home only.
#8. You only show my recent documents but I need to check my past documents too!
#9. You placed a 'Find' key but it is not working at all. My kid lost my car's key and I tried a lot to trace it with this 'find' button but it didn't work!
#10. Last but not least.. You tell you name is Gates then why are you selling Window?
Thanks & Regards
Always Concerned Person.
Complaint Date: 1st April - Person Name: I Doubt!
Dear Owner,
I bought a computer for my family but we came across some of the biggest unexpected problems! Kindly have a look.
#1. Near alt, I saw the start button but there is no Stop button.
#2. I also purchased keyboard, mouse, data card, CPU, data cable but there is only one icon which shows 'My computer'. So when you will provide the remaining items?
#3.You also show 'My Network Places'. For heaven's sake, please stop providing 'My secret places' I just do not want to let my spouse know where I go after my office hours.
#4. My kids learned 'Computer Word' now they want to learn 'Computer Sentence' so let us know when you introduce that.
#5. There is a query whether any re-scooter is available in your system? I see 're-cycle' only but U own a scooter.
#6. It is shocking that windows says 'My pictures' but there is not even a single pic of mine. So when will you keep my photos ion that?
#7. There is 'Microsoft Office' what about 'Microsoft Home' because I use system at home only.
#8. You only show my recent documents but I need to check my past documents too!
#9. You placed a 'Find' key but it is not working at all. My kid lost my car's key and I tried a lot to trace it with this 'find' button but it didn't work!
#10. Last but not least.. You tell you name is Gates then why are you selling Window?
Thanks & Regards
Always Concerned Person.
Insult
What if you sleep into something more comfortable? Emhh... Like a coma!
You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
Ever you hear that?
What?
That.. that sound of no-one caring!
You seem like a black hole of need.
Don't take me as totally useless - use me for that practice!
90% of majority people live and learn, but 10% like you.. just live!
Does this mean our plans for tonight are off or your girlfriend is joining in?
A good male doesn't just happen. He has to be created by us women.
Are you hot but uncomfortable yet?
A man can sleep around no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp.
The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
That's the nature of research-you don't know what in hell you're doing.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
Ever you hear that?
What?
That.. that sound of no-one caring!
You seem like a black hole of need.
Don't take me as totally useless - use me for that practice!
90% of majority people live and learn, but 10% like you.. just live!
Does this mean our plans for tonight are off or your girlfriend is joining in?
A good male doesn't just happen. He has to be created by us women.
Are you hot but uncomfortable yet?
A man can sleep around no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp.
The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
That's the nature of research-you don't know what in hell you're doing.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.