New French tank

Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.

Snowman with a vampire

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Make a tissue dance

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!

The airplane

What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?

Psycho path

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

Why are you late?

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Farmer's wife

How did the farmer's wife get the chickens in to the pot?
She told them it was a chicken jacuzzi.

Too much weight

How do you let your wife know that she is putting on too much weight?
You give her a certificate with the title "NUTRITIONAL OVERACHIEVER"!

Muscle spasms

How much do you exercise?
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all!


How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
By miracle!

Half the chicken

Why did half the chicken cross the road?
To get to his other side!

A mole and an eagle

Q: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

No walls

What kind of rooms have no walls?

Lift up

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
Because if he lifted both, he would fall over!

Call a chicken

What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
Poultry in motion

Chicken coop

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had 4, it'd be a chicken sedan!


What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
Chicken Spocks!

Playing basketball

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

The florist

Did you hear about the florist who had two kids?
One was a budding genius and the other was a blooming idiot.

Your point of view.

I'd love to see things from your point of view..
But I can not seem to get my head that far up your ass.

The thing to laugh in this joke is some people's mind is not located in head. They always talk strange. So indirectly, he is making fun of his stupid unrelated suggestions. I know you too have that kind of person in your circle, so why not to use it.


Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get the newspaper!

Imagining chickens doing so can make anyone giggle. They are really so cute but seems to be too busy in their work. Their innocence forces to joke about them.

Go down

What does is smell like to go down on a 75 year old woman?

What a bad guy, for the age of 75 year old female, he still finds some chances! isn't it? Everyone else would have been said a big NO!

A pirate in bar

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his pants.

Bartender says, "Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?"

Pirate says, "Aye! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Two pairs of trousers

Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
In case they had a hole in one.

Brown chicken v/s Brown cow

What do you get when a brown chicken has sex with a brown cow?
Brown chicken brown cow (answering in sing-songy 'bow chicca bow now').

Uniforms and Helmets

What crawls and wears uniforms and helmets?
Army ants.

On and off

Why was the firefly flashing on and off?
His light was on the blink.

Call cheese

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!

Chicken coop

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

Attracting a squirrel

How do you attract a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

Money in freezer

Why did the blonde put her money in the freezer?
As she wanted cold hard cash!

Finding Corner

How do you make a blonde go crazy?
Tell her to sit in the corner of a circular room!