Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
Q: What kind of coffee were they serving when the Titanic hit an iceberg?
A: Sanka!
Q: What do Saami reindeer herders say to reindeer who complain?
A: "Venison!"
Q: What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?
A: Lost! REALLY lost! (Penguins live in Antarctica.)
Q: Why aren't penguins as lucky as Arctic murres?
A: The poor old penguins can't go south for the winter.
Q: What do chefs call "Baked Alaska" in Alaska?
A: "Baked Here"
Q: Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great! Why?
A: When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.
Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Q: Where can you find an ocean without any water?
A: On a map!
Q: What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean?
A: H to O! (H20)
Q: Which side of an Arctic Tern has the most feathers?
A: The outside!
Q: What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers?
A: Leeks!
Q: What did Amaruq say after building an igloo out of crystal clear ice?
A: "Living in a transparent igloo has its disadvantages - but you should see the murres smack it!"
Q: Why didn't the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?
A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake - and kept popping out of bed all night!
Q: What happened when all the muskox wool that was collected was stolen?
A: The police combed the area.
Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for?
A: Snowbows.
Q: What did one Greenland Shark say to the other?
A: "Say, good lookin'... didn't I meet you last night at the feeding frenzy?"
Q: What's a sign that you have an irrational fear of icebergs?
A: You start having water-tight compartments installed in your pants.
Q: What did the seal say when it swam into a concrete wall?
A: "Dam!"
Q: What do women use to stay young looking in the Arctic?
A: Cold cream.
Q: Why was the Saami herder given an umbrella?
A: Because of the rain, dear.
Q: What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
A: I have no eye deer.
Q: What did one Arctic murre say to the other?
A: "What? We flew 2000 miles for THIS?!"
Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!
Q: What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
A: "Where were you on the night of September to March?"
Q: What noise wakes you up at the North Pole around March 18?
A: The crack of dawn!
Q: If you live in an igloo, what's the worst thing about global warming?
A: No privacy!
Q: What did the walrus say when it was late?
A: "I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship."
Q: When are your eyes not eyes?
A: When the cold Arctic wind makes them water!
Q: What did the icy Arctic road say to the truck?
A: "Want to go for a spin?"
Q: What do you use to catch an Arctic hare?
A: A hare net!
Q: What do Arctic hares use to keep their fur lookin' spiffy?
A: Hare spray!
Q: What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A: A receding hare line.
Q: Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?
A: They're both below C level!
Q: What are caribou calves given to wear?
A: Hoof-me-downs.
Q: If it's zero degrees outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
A: ?????
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant?
A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?
A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."
Q: What's another name for ice?
A: Skid stuff!
Q: How do you keep from getting cold feet?
A: Don't go around BRRfooted!
Q: Why is the slippery ice like music?
A: If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!
Q: What's an ig?
A: A snow house without a loo!
Q: Where do seals go to see movies?
A: The dive-in!
Q: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A: Owlgebra.
Q: What did the ocean say to the bergy bits?
A: Nothing. It just waved. (That's an old joke from the Ice Age.)
Q: What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: How do you know if there's a snowman in your bed?
A: You wake up wet!
Q: How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?
A: Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a banana?
A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a walrus...
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